he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
