does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
