Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
