Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
your like the ambassador to my penis.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
