My nipple is on Facebook.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
