last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
