I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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