If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So much rum. So many feels.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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