break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
