Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
