Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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