i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
pop tarts are not kleenex
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
