but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
