Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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