Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
