I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
