i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
