Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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