90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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