I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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