i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
