It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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