Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize