so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
