She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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