Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize