Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
