Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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