It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
