I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
