Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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