I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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