I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
