He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
