I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize