I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just pee around me
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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