and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
