my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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