I'm jealous of your bromance
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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