I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The best revenge is premature balding
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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