You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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