shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
