I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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