My sheets look like a crime scene.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
