my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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