redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
