I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
