I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
