If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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