Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
