Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So much rum. So many feels.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
