I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
