She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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