what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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