I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
