I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
there was a trapeze. enough said
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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