Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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