My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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