in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
im calling her cock vulture from now on
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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