Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
