I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My life is pants optional.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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