the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
