Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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