Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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