YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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