apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize