he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
