Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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