my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
