you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
