I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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