I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
