you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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